"Just Build the House"- Day 203 (July 23rd, 2021)

"Just build the house, we'll worry about the foundation later on. There may be problems later on with it but we'll worry about those if that day ever comes..."

I don't regret building that house. Mostly every good thing I have today (my gorgeous wife, my three beautiful children) is because I built it... But the problems that were possible then have come to a head now. I got married to my wife when I knew my past had a very real history of crossdressing. I convinced myself it was dead or dying but if I could have been honest with myself then, transition was always a road that existed in my mind.

So I built the house with very real cracks existing in the foundation: whether or not I would always be compatible as a male partner. Over the years I have been able to satisfy my wife in the ways she has needed. But now, on day 203 of HRT for me and six weeks since she birthed our little guy, the question of physical compatibility is here again and standing awkwardly in the corner, unsure what to do next.

One of her worries are that a day will come where I discover, thanks to HRT effects, that I am attracted to men. As of now (and what I believe will continue to be true for the duration of my life) I find the male form to be far from attractive. My attraction to my wife hasn't changed, not in the least. 

What has changed is my body and how it responds. There is a rewiring occurring internally and I am in the middle of it. I don't function as I once did and in that sense my role as her physical partner has changed drastically. We are still compatible in all other ways. But this is a vital aspect and I pray to God that He helps us navigate these uncertain waters. Otherwise I fear the forever I envisioned when we decided to build this life together could lead to "We're not together anymore. But we'll always be best friends." 

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