It'll Just Take Time- Day 194 (July 14th, 2021)

"It'll just take time." Is there a bigger white lie people use than this?

Rarely when this little phrase is used does it actually mean time is going to help, because time doesn't actually do anything. Examples include:

Grief. Grief will lock you away from the world if you are simply waiting for enough time to pass to be normal again.

Family Restoration. Restoration doesn't happen just because time has passed; more often than not time brings further distance. 

Pain. Pain doesn't get easier with the passing of time, it simply enters a new realm: memory. And the realm of memory can be worse than the actual event that caused the pain to begin with. 

Love. Love doesn't just blossom. Marriages don't just strengthen. 

The components missing are effort and choice. My most recent run in with this reality is my transition. Siblings just need time, grandma just needs time, other people fairly close to me just need time... to process, to accept, to wrap their heads around the reality. 

It's a nice thought but usually it's a placeholder, a social nicety used to give the affected person a glimmer of hope. For all the people who have told me they just need time, I want you to know I hold nothing against you if time never helps, because honestly, time only helps if you are serious about putting in an effort to understand the full scope of my reality and eventually come to a place where you choose that you are going to love me for my qualities above all else. 

If you haven't lived it, you will never fully understand this reality. I can word it meticulously, using metaphor and imagery to help connect some of the dots, but at the end of the day there will still be a large gap between what trans people experience and how we are able to convey it to you.



 

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