Fabric Left in Water Too Long- Day 142 (May 22nd, 2021)

Have you ever left fabric in water too long? I'm talking months or years and then one day you stumble across it, the once clean water now tepid and not so much water anymore but instead a putrid film. What was left in the water may be something you still hope to salvage, so you dump the water out and start the process of trying to get it into the same condition it was in before the neglect.

Maybe you try to let it dry in the sun. But even after days of letting it dry, the smell remains, the fabric now forever wrinkled and altered, the colors less vibrant than they once were. You even try to wash it again, in a special load, maybe even using special soap meant to revitalize and repair. When you get through with the load though, you find it and check it first and unfortunately, though it appears fresh, it still smells rancid and the fabric is still different than it was. It always will be...

This is much like trauma. The prolonged period where you were soaking in filth and forgotten has forever changed you. And despite the best efforts to start anew now, you know what changed is permanent. 

When God made me, did He say, "This one will have pain as a foundation."? "This one will never truly know what it is to feel found."? "This one will love me dearly but struggle with how to connect with me." Displacement will be the main reality and it will weigh on them for the duration of their life."?


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