Ad Nauseum- Day 260 (September 20th, 2021)

The question I will ultimately have to answer ad nauseum is if I'm still saved. Some will say I'm lost, that I've fallen away from Christ entirely. My answer is simple: If that's true, I was never really at home with Him, even in the best of times. And if that's true, He was never actually holding me and He was never actually my Savior. Because if my transitioning means He no longer wants me, He never truly wanted me.  

I am a child that has reached her hands up for the duration of my life, just looking for acceptance and safety and the unending, matchless love that Christ demonstrated by willingly dying on that cross for me. As a parent who has been blessed with three beautiful children, the sight of your child reaching their arms out to you does something profound within. You just want to grab them and hold them close and let them know they are safe in your arms.

Even now that I am a full grown adult, I am still that child reaching her hands up, hoping to be held close and remain safe in His arms. I'm writing this down now because if asked that question in person, I would never be able to explain it as I have here, because my strength is in written word. 

Am I still saved? If I'm not, my heart bleeds for Him for nothing.

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