A Different Clarity- Day 261 (September 21st, 2021)

Once you conclude you've never been a male, it's easy to look back at all the times in the past to see it with a different clarity. Whether it's the girls you couldn't keep or the groups you didn't belong in, the answers that have always eluded suddenly make so much sense. "So and so didn't like me because she was looking for a male, not just the shell of one." These little revelations make me feel like I was always given a losing deck. And actually finding a wife of the quality and selflessness of mine is truly a gift that can only be given by God.

When I was growing up, the idea of living as a woman, though always present somewhere in my mind, something of a pinball always bouncing around, it never seemed like a real step I could take. It was a reality that was maybe playing out in another timeline but not this one. Definitely not this one. I was convinced of my spiritual importance and my position as an odd duck ultimately leading to bigger things. Greater callings. Greater reach.

Maybe greater means fringe. Maybe greater means reaching those who are often forgotten. Or maybe I'm just looking for purpose beyond the small world I see. I guess only the years will tell. 

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