Naked Most Days- Day 167 (June 16th, 2021)

There are many times in a day where I revisit different moments from my childhood in my mind, both before dad's death and after. I have been a stranger to myself for so long, so preprogrammed by how I've needed to act to fit in that now I experience my days feeling like I leave the house naked most days. 

I used to have a good beard and a shorter hairstyle that worked okay for me. I fit as 'typical male' in presentation. And then one day, I decided to shave so I could start to learn to love the face I have and not hide it behind a disguise. And around the same time I decided to start growing out my hair. Both have not been easy decisions since I worked hard to blend in. And now I don't. At work I'm pretty much the only one clean shaven who puts their hair in a ponytail and uses hairbands.

People probably talk when I'm not around, wondering why I have changed so many little things about myself. If they do talk, I can't stop it or care all that much about it. I'm on a journey of leaving my biological gender behind, in search of a fuller life as a woman (or as close to a woman as I can get).

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