A Different Kind of Strength- Day 92 (April 2nd, 2021)

Women are oftentimes unfairly viewed as the weaker sex. And so I've noticed when people respond to trans individuals, ftm are almost viewed as taking a step forward, while mtf are seen as voluntarily becoming weak and taking steps back. First of all, I don't know one woman in my life who is weak. Their strength is a different kind compared to men but in many ways a much more impressive strength. It's a strength of resiliency and resolve and overcoming many obstacles.

Though there will be those who feel I am only confusing my children, the truth is I'm showing them that the value in a person has nothing to do with gender. And in some ways, I'm showing my daughters that by fully embracing my true identity, I find immeasurable value in womanhood. Though born a man, always chained by it, though born a man, have never fit it, though born a man, have never seen it to be any more valuable than being a woman. 

In my eyes I've fulfilled my duties as a man. I have provided the needed seed for us to have children. And now, my focus is on being the best possible parent. As a man I was becoming mean and rigid and uninspired, drowning in a life that was supposed to fulfill me but only further pointed to my displacement.

Vaela is inspired and tenacious and excited to take on whatever life brings. I am a trans woman and it doesn't make me weak to admit that or to live that life. What I view as weakness is who I was: a man too broken by life that he was starting to break everything around him, a man who was well on his way out of living. The weak person would continue to hide behind their pride, keep showing a mask to convince people you're fine until you end it all. That's where it was going. I knew it and I finally decided to be strong enough to change course. So no, I'm not exactly who I was. I'm fuller.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Day Shift Begins- Day 1 (January 1st, 2021)

This is the early hours of 2021. All that is between me and my first permanent steps to becoming Vaela is a night of sleep.  I take my first dose of hrt tomorrow and elation doesn't begin to describe my feelings... The pills have been in my system for a number of hours now. Obviously, there are no physical changes on day one. I would actually be worried if there were. As if one dose of estrogen and one dose of testosterone blockers are suddenly going to give me that womanly figure I've often imagined. No. The change today is simply in knowing the process has started. The factory is up and running, the lights are on, and the new workers are taking their positions. A switch over, from night to day shift, if you will. It's been a very long night, a night that never seemed like it would end. And so many of the workers were tired and burnt out. Today represents a total change. The night shift is done and new day workers have taken their place. These workers are fresh and spry, a
Read more

"That Trans Problem"- Day 327 (November 25th, 2021)

The life of a trans person is to hide. First to hide yourself from yourself (in my case) for the first 30 years of your life. And then to hide from those who don't understand, don't agree, don't feel comfortable.  Im not a person who likes to create waves. I don't enjoy arguing and stating my points unnecessarily. And I especially don't like being a constant topic of conversation. But I suppose it's what I was signed up for before I was ever born.  To the majority of those who no longer view trans people as people, we are now instead "that trans problem". That unsightly thing to hide, to avoid, to detest... to hate.  Many don't understand and don't put in the effort to even try. They see it as this political thing when in reality it as a human thing. A human thing many have not experienced or will ever have to. Growing up we learned the importance of trying to understand that life is not experienced the same way by all. Just because one experie
Read more

Trying to Prepare for Hypotheticals- Day 242 (September 2nd, 2021)

The trickle down effect has begun. At work 4 people (maybe 5) now know. Before that it was 2. When it was revealed to me today that my 'secret' was out because someone from work saw my female social media page, I didn't panic. Instead I started to prepare for the next steps. This was going to happen eventually. Obviously changing genders chemically, after a while, becomes quite noticeable. If you start to transition without daily preparing to face the music of your reality, you will be blindsided. The moment I took those first pills, I knew I was on a road that would eventually lead here. And knowing that, I have prepared for it daily.  Having said that, it doesn't mean I know exactly what to say or how to respond to the unknowns of this situation. Every person you know, until reality replaces expectation, is immediately an unknown. Most will work out the way you expect. Some will disappoint, and some will surprise in the best ways possible. Trying to prepare for hypoth
Read more