Two Paths for my Life- Day 73 (March 14th, 2021)

Transitioning is not going to fix my life. I understand that. I don't have some romanticized view of it. I am not seeing through rose tinted glasses. My life will remain on a similar trajectory it has been on since meeting my wife. I'm not becoming a woman to pursue a new and more exciting life. I'm becoming a woman because she is lighter and my life is brighter and I can be a better parent and partner.

My story is not one of desiring to abandon my current life. I'd be an absolute fool to want to cut ties with the best parts of my life... the best parts of me. I don't desire a new life in any other way than how I get to live it.

I can see two paths for my life as it currently stands. At some point, after the hrt has worked more of its magic and I don't look like a man, I imagine just blending in best I can. A quiet life in the public and a much more adventurous one at home, where my wife and kids explore the world together and make new, albeit unorthodox memories. 

Either that, or I imagine a life where God finally uses me to reach the people in this, my community, with the message of His love and understanding and willingness to love us without condition right where we're at. I imagine a life where I break through the stench of religion and the hypocrisy of broken people judging broken people.

I'm at a place of building new things. As my body literally builds new things (I'm budding, baby!) slowly and makes little changes gradually, I am in the same process in my life. I'm now on day two of self-paced school for my certificate and I'm determined to learn this quickly and move on to the next chapter of my life... Or in many ways, the first chapter of a new character. Still me but the me I was never allowed to be. The me I can't believe I get to finally see. 

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