The Unfortunate Status Quo- Day 67 (March 8th, 2021)

To my surprise, I've found that the farther I get into my day count on HRT, the less I have to say on the subject. I've found that support doesn't mean what you hope it will. It doesn't mean being there to talk to or present enough to care to check on me. For the most part, it simply means "This changes nothing." With me and most of the people in my life, we are already pretty distant, so the definition of support is, unfortunately, the status quo.

... Except, there is now the added element of taking a path they don't begin to understand. People don't want real. They want the mask. They want the easily digestible facade you put forth. My brothers, for example, don't want to hear that in the fundamental parts of me, I've always been their sister. They'd rather I toil in quiet, put away this decision, and present in a way that makes them comfortable. 

In fact, I am convinced that it would be easier for them to mourn my untimely death than try to find a new ground for our relationship as I transition. If I was dead, they'd at least get to write the narrative they want for me.

One brother hides behind God and that heavy wagging religious finger. The other one, per the usual, is supportive only on the surface, never putting forth an effort to understand me better. He only knew me as his brother because he never really knew me. He never cared to and was content with whatever facade I showed.

You will find very few people in this who actually pull you close and give you real support, because very few people don't want the truth about things. They want easy. And when it stops being easy, they want out. 

For all of those people in my life who are like that, God has balanced the scales by giving me a wife who is the opposite of the status quo people in my life. She doesnt give up, she works for us even though it's not what she envisioned. I am blessed because I truly have support from the one person where it matters most.