More Monumental in Hindsight- Day 114 (April 24th, 2021)

Electrolysis or laser removal? That is the question. Well I find myself in an unavoidable situation. Since I did two full years of minoxidil to grow a thick beard and give that living as a man thing one more go, now I have to deal with the future prospect of being a transwoman with five o clock shadow.

I can deal for a while but eventually I will have to pluck (yes, hair pun intended) away the old. If I'm honest, my beard is about the only part of manhood I will look back on fondly. I looked as manly as possible for me and I liked it fine. But to truly embrace trans-womanhood, it is a thing of my past and I won't miss it when it's gone. Or if I will miss it, it still won't be any real loss when compared to getting to live as my authentic self.

To switch to another topic, I'm on a higher dose again and excited for the possibilities. I am well into the budding stage and now have to wear a camisole to help smooth things out when in man mode. My hair is getting longer slowly and the added biotin supplement plus the estrogen seems to be helping with my thinning scalp hair. That alone makes me smile.

I originally planned on writing daily. Clearly I wasn't able to keep up with that. I've found that transitioning and writing about transitioning is much like living and then trying to write about living. Not a ton of details change about your life, at least not while still presenting in man mode most places other than at home.

I look for profound little details throughout the day, since transitioning is a profound change. And it definitely is monumental. But sometimes it seems it's more monumental in hindsight. Like, for example, my first nipple pain/tingling. In the moment I didn't know with 100% certainty if it was the starting of breast growth. I hoped it was and said as much in my entry. And it turned out it was the beginning. 

Sometimes I wish fully transitioned Vaela could revisit these days with her perspective and comment on the importance of the little details that I probably take for granted somewhat. I'm sure I'm missing important aspects and will look back to see just that. But as it is today, many of the details are 'same candy different wrapper'. I'm nobody different. I'm just the me I always had to hide, the me I wasn't free to show.



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