I Laughed Tonight- Day 23 (January 23rd, 2021)

I laughed tonight. It was the kind of light hearted, joyful laugh I rarely find myself able to reach. I was playing hide and seek with my girls, hiding very obviously behind my pregnant wife on the couch, a blanket barely draped over my head. And of course my daughters found me almost immediately, my white and black striped dress sticking out from the blanket, a dead giveaway.

A short entry tonight but definitely a sign that my happiness is on the up and up.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Day Shift Begins- Day 1 (January 1st, 2021)

This is the early hours of 2021. All that is between me and my first permanent steps to becoming Vaela is a night of sleep.  I take my first dose of hrt tomorrow and elation doesn't begin to describe my feelings... The pills have been in my system for a number of hours now. Obviously, there are no physical changes on day one. I would actually be worried if there were. As if one dose of estrogen and one dose of testosterone blockers are suddenly going to give me that womanly figure I've often imagined. No. The change today is simply in knowing the process has started. The factory is up and running, the lights are on, and the new workers are taking their positions. A switch over, from night to day shift, if you will. It's been a very long night, a night that never seemed like it would end. And so many of the workers were tired and burnt out. Today represents a total change. The night shift is done and new day workers have taken their place. These workers are fresh and spry, a...
Read more

"That Trans Problem"- Day 327 (November 25th, 2021)

The life of a trans person is to hide. First to hide yourself from yourself (in my case) for the first 30 years of your life. And then to hide from those who don't understand, don't agree, don't feel comfortable.  Im not a person who likes to create waves. I don't enjoy arguing and stating my points unnecessarily. And I especially don't like being a constant topic of conversation. But I suppose it's what I was signed up for before I was ever born.  To the majority of those who no longer view trans people as people, we are now instead "that trans problem". That unsightly thing to hide, to avoid, to detest... to hate.  Many don't understand and don't put in the effort to even try. They see it as this political thing when in reality it as a human thing. A human thing many have not experienced or will ever have to. Growing up we learned the importance of trying to understand that life is not experienced the same way by all. Just because one experie...
Read more

Leaving Behind the Woods and Wolves- Day 190 (July 10th, 2021)

If God knew I was transgender as He formed me in my mother's womb, was it for a purpose beyond toil and pain? Was it to better understand a people I was told are abominations? Or has my whole journey of displacement been nothing but a test? Dad's horrible rage, cancer and death wasn't enough?  I've been fed this narrative that I'm meant for bigger things because I've gone through so many valleys. But, what if the sum of my life is failing this test? God took an innocent little guy who's heart bled for Him, led him into the woods and left him to the vicious wolves of life. He has remained afar for most of it since. And I have had to find my way, bloody and beaten and many times barely alive. And, through all of that, my heart still bleeds for Him. This would make it seem He hasn't been a good Father to me. He has provided and protected and given me many wonderful blessings (my beautiful wife, my two amazing daughters, my new son, and a mom who has worked ...
Read more