Longing to Be Real- Day 15 (January 15th, 2021)

These first two weeks have mostly consisted of trying to girlify an annoyingly masculine frame. I bought a laser removal system for at home with some Christmas money and have been using it within the directed specifications. Much like hrt, laser isn't a next-day-result kind of thing. It requires patience, which isn't always easy for a tenacious person such as myself.

Before starting transition and when still trying to salvage the man, I did daily applications of minoxidil to grow my beard from laughably patchy to lumberjacky (terrible rhyme I know). That took two years to see full results. And it took a lot of patience. So, I've been down this road before... Well, not this road exactly. The waiting road.

This time is still far different. It's kind of like Pinocchio longing to be real. He's technically alive, but wooden and illegitimate. When people see him, they see a puppet, a living toy, a product of magic and a toy maker's wish. I've been that for most of my life: alive but not living, longing for a day when I could finally be real.

(And yes I do understand the irony of wanting to be real when many don't consider trans women to be real women. Regardless, it's still far more real to who I am on the inside. I am a woman in the same way an oval is more a circle than it is a square. No I'm not a circle. I'll never fit into that category entirely. But I'm definitely not a square, not a box, no matter how much people have tried to make me be one.)

This wait is harder. But it will be worth it in the end. To be a real person. Oh, to finally be a real person.

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